that's an acceptable place to lick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
