john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
