Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
