I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
