its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
