Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize