Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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