I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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