I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
