Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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