Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
