Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still dying that you shit outside
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
