I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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