Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
