We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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