Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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