so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
