was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
