how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
