you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
