you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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