To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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