i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
