i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
