i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would fuck him just for his dog
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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