Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
