96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
