yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Fuck appropriateness.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize