I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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