my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
