Ambien. No doubt about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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