i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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