Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
