At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
