your thong is hanging out like whoa
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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