I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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