Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
