you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize