remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize