i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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