so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
