So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
