$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
