OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
