the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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