i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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