Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
