you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize