dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
