Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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