He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
