If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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