on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
