I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
