while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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