we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Man, jail baloney is awful.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
