Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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