Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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