i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
