Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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