Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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