He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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