well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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