the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
