sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have post one night stand depression
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
