My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
