eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
