just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize