Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
