Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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