Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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