I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
