he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize