I faked an abortion last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
