apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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