Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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