dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
