You work out of a Hotel?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
