I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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