HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
