how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
