Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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