We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
