Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
