Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize