How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
