dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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