are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
