If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my shit smells like andre
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize