i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
