He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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