I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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