i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
