do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
