Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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