thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
